Daddy Rhapsody

Once upon a time
it occurred to me
my father might be
himself driving
to an early grave ...

When indications pointed
to illnesses
of the stomach,
and intestines,

Then surgery
Then bed rest
Laid up
then his epiphanies,

Over the years a
consistent development
coughing, or choking,
fits, like dementia

Rooms filled
with his tension
condition worse
overcame him;

[...]

I once wrote
a letter
in my head;
document
to my observations
what he wants
for his life.

If you start again
not to a grand end
nor out of tense gut
nor broken hearts
no, you live forever.

Who could have told him
'High Roller' meant
'Rolaids' and,
possibly shortened days
... No one dared to say
because would he have listened;

[...]

Screaming matches
no longer can we afford,
though this time
I come to you
I feel a doom
some hurt and shame
loss remains
a gulf separates
shore to shore
uncrossed;

Father please
do not react
... truly I know
you want the best
for your family,
go ahead ask
ask you loving wife
dependable source
and sure mate,

Maybe I feel guilty
a bit, and feeling shy
and away like an
absurd thing ...

Should it be
worked out
after able to sit down
tell a long story
about a king and queen,

and the daughter, son,
who went away
whose children both
boys and girls
return to find
purpose
history
long stories
lusty tales
and some unkind things too.



Patrick Darnell (1977)